I was told there would be cake

The biggest and looming question I ask myself which I can never make sense of a definite answer is 

“What’s next?”

A big question mark seems to be hovering above my head.

When I was fed up with my parents telling me what to do, ridden with teenage angst and all I aspired to fast forward to adulthood where I can be independent, sashay my way to a fabulous life. Turns out it isn't what I always expected it be.

In college it was easy to map out your plans when there’s no expectation and responsibility yet. Your only goal was to learn as much as you can. From graduation to landing on my first job into the induction of adulthood I can make sense of Taylor Swift’s 22 ringing in my head right now.

                               “We’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time”

When the excitement wanes and you are faced with reality, panic begins to set in. Is this what I am supposed to do my whole life? Is my work recognized? Where do I see myself 5 years from now?

One of the tell tale signs of going through a quarter life crisis is the rising sense of “I've got to get out” and the feeling that you can change your life.

Also you tend to throwback consistently listening and watching to Disney song and movies, I am listening to my High School Musical playlist as I type this blog post. Everyday the thought of quitting  and following my dreams is a normal occurrence. I just want to pack my bags Eat, Pray, Love style but then the hard truth reaches out to slap me on the face that I don’t have the financial capacity to realize it.

Looking around I can’t help but compare how my peers are advancing in every aspect of their life and I seem stuck in the hole of normalcy and boring. I get panic attacks of living my life ordinarily contrary to my great expectations of changing the world or myself or taking after some worthy cause or discovering my passion. We have been told that we should make the most of our twenties. And I am not doing anything sensible to make my life worthwhile. The age where everybody’s next biggest milestone is getting married and rearing babies is dawning near *dry heaves*

Being an adult or trying to be an adult feels like I am teetering in my mother’s high heels filling in a role awkwardly. It’s a charade of keeping it all together when you absolutely have no idea what the hell is going on. It doesn't fit and I feel trapped.

My anxieties constantly claws into my consciousness I have not come into grips with the crisis yet but I have made reminders on how to deal with it

1.  Don’t be too hard on yourself, its okay that you still haven’t figured things out.
2. Take things one step at a time. Live in the present
3. Comparisons will kill you
4.  Loosen yourself up, make room for adjustments. Things are not always how you expect them to be
5.  Accept that life doesn’t always have to follow a certain time line to get to your goals. Admit that your dream to be a CEO at 25 is totally unrealistic
6.   No rush it’s not about the destination it’s the journey of getting there
7.  STOP OVERTHINKING

Thanks April. I'm just gonna wing it! Screw it!